It's not always the job
by pprbckwrtr
Summary: Nobody can bounce back that fast after getting shot in the chest. I don't care how perky you are.
1. Chapter 1

As Lindsay walks into the squad she sees Tom hanging around her desk.

"How's your dad?"

"Fine. He had a bit of a scare but the doctors say he will be good in a few more days."

"Good, in the mean time I have something for you." He says as he points over to the holding cell.

"What did she do this time?" Lindsay asks as she looks over at Cindy.

"There was raid on an office downtown. A doctor selling illegal prescriptions. I found her downstairs in the tank with the rest, thought I'd let you deal with her." Tom started walking back up to his office when he turned back to Lindsay, "She really does throw herself into her work."

"I just wish it didn't involve me busting her out so often." Lindsay shot back with a grin.

Tom laughed and continued upstairs.

Cindy stood up when she noticed Lindsay walking towards her. "Before you say anything, I was working on this story and I didn't realize it was really that big of a deal.. I mean it was just a little rinky dink office. I had no idea it was even on the narcotics' radar. I mean really, such a big raid for a two bit doctor."

Lindsay watched as Cindy tried to explain herself out of this current mess when she realized that Cindy seemed jumpier that usual. Of all of her friends Cindy had the most energy and was always on the go, whether she was working or playing, but this was different.

"Cindy, I get it but it really doesn't look good. You could decorate you're in there so much and the drug raids really need to stop." Lindsay tried to add some levity to the situation because what she had to say next was weighing on her, but she had to do it. "Look, Tom isn't too happy" she lied "so to appease him I'm going to take you downstairs for a drug test and then you can go home."

"Lindsay" Cindy exclaimed in disbelief.

"What? It'll take two seconds." Lindsay assured her as she put the key into the lock.

"Linds," Cindy reached through the bars and touched her hand "I can't" she said quietly as Lindsay slid the key back out. It took Cindy a few seconds to gain the courage to look up, and what she saw nearly broke her heart. In their short friendship she had been on the receiving end of many of Lindsay's looks, but she wasn't ready for this one, complete and utter disappointment. "I'm sorry" she whispered as Lindsay walked away.

* * *

Lindsay walked into Jill's office, "we have a problem."

Jill stopped working and looked up, "do we now."

"Cindy got picked up in a drug raid today." Lindsay said as she slumped onto the couch. "There was a doctor downtown selling illegal prescriptions."

Jill smiled, "that girl does go all out to get her scoop."

"She wasn't."

"Wasn't what?" Jill asked, looking at Lindsay like she was crazy.

"She wasn't working. She said she was but she won't take a test."

"Lindsay, you wanted to drug test her? That probably just pissed her off. I swear, I don't know which one of you is more stubborn."

"Jill, she didn't say she wouldn't take it, she said she couldn't take it. Plus, I've seen my share of jumpy junkies"

"Lindsay" Jill yelled as she stood up, "go let her out."

"I'm telling you we have a problem. I can't just let this go."

Jill could tell that Lindsay didn't know what to do so she decided to make it easy for her. "Well it doesn't matter because I'm not filing against her. I'm not going to mess up her life." She moved out from behind her desk and went to the couch. "We should have known she wasn't okay, it hasn't even been two weeks. Plus with everything else going on it was just easier to go along with her denial."

"What is Cindy doing behind bars again?' Claire asked as she came into the office.


	2. Chapter 2

Lindsay sat at her desk, trying to get some work done, occasionally glancing over at the cell.

She had assured Tom that she was merely trying to teach her friend a lesson about getting too close to the story, and had even managed to fake a laugh when he called her a hard-ass.As she sat there going over a report for the third time, without ever once really reading it, she went over the plan. Claire had taken in the news of Cindy's arrest with the utmost calm. She had been on the phone in minutes to a drug treatment facility and then to a psychologist to find out how they should handle things. Lindsay could only assume that Claire went through a similar situation when her husband, Ed, had been shot.

It had been decided that Claire and Jill would head over to Cindy's apartment and do a sweep for anything that would help them help her. Lindsay would wait until about 6 before finally letting Cindy out and driving her home.

When that time finally came Lindsay walked over to the cell, "I'm taking you home."

"Lindsay, you don't have to. I'm fine." Cindy said as she stood up, refusing to make eye contact.

"I said I was taking you home, I didn't say I was ready to talk to you yet." She announced as she opened the door and turned to leave. Cindy followed dutifully.

The ride was deathly quiet, Lindsay wanted to scream at her and find out what the hell she was thinking, but she knew she had to wait. Plus she knew that Claire would be much better at dealing with this. When they were almost there she glanced over and noticed Cindy had her head resting on the window, she was asleep and this really pissed Lindsay off. She almost slammed on the brakes to wake her up when Cindy gasped for air, clutching her chest.

"I'm not dead, I'm not dead" she kept muttering to herself.

Lindsay pulled the car over, she wasn't mad anymore just scared. She put her hand on Cindy's shoulder and kept telling her she was okay. It took a few seconds for her to fully wake up, when she did she looked at Lindsay and saw the fear in her eyes.

"Shit. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep." she said as she turned back to looked out her window.

"It's okay." Lindsay sat there for a moment, unsure of what to do next "you okay?"

"Fine."

Lindsay knew she wasn't fine and now she knew why.

* * *

As they arrived at her apartment Cindy turned, "I really am fine you don't have to stay."

"Yes, I do."

As soon as they entered the apartment Cindy understood why Lindsay had to stay, Claire and Jill sitting on the couch waiting for them. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I need a drink." she informed them as she went towards the kitchen.

Claire stood up "I don't think..."

But Lindsay put up her hand to stop the statement "it's okay."

When Claire saw the look on Lindsay's face she sat back down.

There was already a half bottle of scotch and a glass on the kitchen counter. Cindy poured herself a shot and drank it, she steadied herself for a moment and then poured herself another full glass. She turned and walked back into the other room, Claire and Jill were still on the couch and Lindsay was pacing around the room. Cindy sat down in the chair, like a teenager who broke curfew, when she noticed a pill bottle on the coffee table, "How long have you two been here?"

"Long enough to find what we needed." Jill answered

Cindy glanced around the room "at least you didn't ransack the place."

"You weren't exactly hiding anything."

Lindsay gave Claire a questioning look.

"Amphetamines" Claire told her picking up the bottle.

"Look" Cindy cut in "I know I messed up, but I got it covered, I figured out how I can fix this."

"You can't fix this on your own. What were you thinking taking these?" Claire asked glaring at her.

"I'm having a little trouble sleeping" Cindy said in a whisper.

"You do realize these don't exactly help with that." Claire yelled. She was beginning to lose her patience momentarily forgetting that she was supposed to be the level-headed one.

"They do if you don't want to sleep." Lindsay said, finally joining the conversation. "Nightmares" she said as Claire and Jill looked at her. "She fell asleep in the car, nearly gave me a heart attack when she woke up."

"It was nothing" Cindy said, not making eye contact with any of them.

Lindsay walked over and sat on the coffee table in front of her, "it was something, and you damn well know it. I don't understand why you didn't talk to us about this."

"Oh, I don't know, kinda busy with serial killers and all." she answered sarcastically as she took a long drink from her glass.

Lindsay took the glass out of her hand "you know this works against those" she placed the glass on the table behind her, "for as smart as you are sometimes you are just dumb."

"I know. I figured if I could just get rid of the dreams then I wouldn't need the pills, that's why I went to the clinic today, to get something to help me sleep."

"Why didn't you go to your doctor?" Jill asked.

"I did, the stuff he gave me wasn't strong enough. Plus, I figure two birds." Her friends looked at her inquisitively, "I am going to do a story." Cindy said matter of factly.

Lindsay threw up her hands and stood up. "You are unbelievable."

Cindy reached for her glass but Claire grabbed her hand. "We are going to get you help, and you are going to take it or Lindsay is going to put you back where she found you today."

Cindy looked at her with eyes that said both _you wouldn't do that do me_ and _thank you_.

Jill stood up, "okay, Claire has already set everything up. I packed you a bag and Lindsay and I are going to drive you to the center. Dr. Wellens is going to see you there in the morning. So let's go." she said looking at Cindy.

Cindy just looked at them dumbfounded, "wait. What? I can't just leave, I do have a job."

"Call in sick" Claire said as she stood up.

"Or go to jail" Lindsay interjected.

Cindy let out a sigh, closed her eyes and massaged her temples for a minute. Once she came to grips with the fact that she had no choice, not to mention they were right, she stood up. "Okay."

Claire gave her a hug goodbye, "it'll be fine, I promise."

Cindy followed Lindsay out of the apartment with Jill following behind carrying her bag.


	3. Chapter 3

Jill stormed over to Lindsay's desk and threw down the newspaper, "have you seen this?"

Lindsay picked it up and read_ 'America's New War on Drugs: A Prescription for Disaster'_ by Cindy Thomas. She stood up and put her arm around Jill and walked her into the hallway. "I saw it. Just relax."

"She was only gone three days, she went there to get better not for research." Jill was reaching her boiling point and couldn't understand how Lindsay could be so calm. "What do we do now?"

"Keep your voice down, I sent Claire to talk to her. I was afraid if I went I might shoot her," Lindsay closed her eyes and rubbed her face with her hand, "or say something stupid like that."

* * *

As Cindy opened her door Claire barged in. "I tried you at the paper."

"I'm not at the paper." Cindy said closing the door. When she turned to look at Claire she realized that this was not the time for sarcasm.

"Three days? Working? What were you...?" Claire was so angry that she didn't know where to start. But when she turned and saw Cindy she just walked over and gave her a hug, "are you okay?"

"I really am," Cindy pulled away and looked her in the eyes, "Thank you. You were right, I couldn't have done this on my own." They walked over and sat down on the couch. "Dr. Wellens was really great, it really helped to get everything out."

"Are you sleeping now?"

"Not completely, but that's where you come in. Wellens said that I shouldn't be afraid to talk to you about my nightmares, and if I continue to let them out rather than hide them I should be back to normal soon."

"Why would you be afraid to talk to us?"

"I didn't want to lay it on you, plus you are in some of them and I didn't know how to explain them without hurting you."

Claire took Cindy's hand in her own, "tell me."

Cindy took a deep breath, "when I got...when it happened I know you were the first one by my side, trying to save my life and I can never thank you enough for that," she looked away "but in my dreams things get mixed up." She looked back and saw Claire's confusion "given your line of work" she added.

This statement seemed to hit her and Claire leaned back. "Oh" she said quietly. When she saw the pain in Cindy's face she pulled her into a hug, "it's okay. I don't think I would want me hovering over me either."

Cindy smiled, "I really am glad I barged my way into your life."

"I am too" Claire replied. "So, what's next?"

"I'm going to go see Jill, I figured I'd wait till the end of the day."

"What about Lindsay?"

"I haven't worked out that one yet. She was really mad and she does have a gun." Cindy said rising from the couch.

"Cindy," Claire gave her a look that said _enough with the gun jokes_, "you should give her more credit."

"I know, I'm sorry. But, we are good right?" she asked nervously.

Claire stood up, "of course we are sweetie" Claire's words said yes but her hug said definitely.

One down two to go.


	4. Chapter 4

Cindy waited until 5:30 to go see Jill and she hung out around the corner from her office until she watched Lindsay leave and disappear from sight. "Hey," she said poking her head in the door "now a good time."

Jill got up and went over to her "very" she said as she hugged her. "Now that the niceties are out of the way, what the hell were you thinking? You didn't go up there to get the 'scoop', and why didn't you tell us you were home?"

"I'm fine thanks for asking." As soon as she said it she wished she hadn't. "I'm sorry" she said as she sat down on the couch. "Working on the article helped me focus" Jill looked at her unconvinced "it really did. Writing helps me work stuff out, it's just how my brain works."

"I know" Jill sat down next to her "I saw the obituaries on your laptop."

Cindy looked at her horrified "what? when? did you tell anyone?"

"The other night at your apartment, while Claire was looking for the pills I was looking for other clues as to what was wrong. And no I didn't tell anyone. I guess it was pretty naive on our part to assume you could bounce back so fast, you were really close to..." Jill couldn't finish her statement.

"I know, like I said writing helps me work it out. Besides who would do a better job on my obit than me." Cindy said smiling.

"Yes, but five of them. I particularly liked Pulitzer Prize winning Cindy."

"Hey you never know, I think my favorite though is 95 year old Cindy surrounded by her grandchildren."

"Yeah, I think that is my favorite too." Jill leaned over and gave Cindy a hug, "so why didn't you tell us you were home?"

"I guess there was a part of me that was afraid I'd screwed up too big this time. I wasn't sure what to say and if you would even want to hear it."

Jill was hurt that Cindy questioned their friendship this way, "I know we haven't been friends that long, and we do argue a bit but I think I've earned more trust than that."

"I do trust you" Cindy replied trying to fix the damage "that's not what I meant. You can't deny that I royally screwed up, and that you were really mad." Cindy looked at her with a half smile.

"Yes you messed up big, but christ you got shot in the chest two weeks ago." Cindy cringed at hearing Jill say the words out loud. Jill reached over and took her hand, "I was mad but not just about the pills, I was still mad at myself. The fight that we had before, and then_ it _happened" Jill avoided the actual words this time "I was scared that I wouldn't get to say I was sorry and that's how our friendship would end. But then you seemed to move past it so I didn't want to dwell on it."

"I didn't" Jill looked at her confused "move past it." Cindy added but this statement only deepened her confusion. "I guess there was a part of me that was afraid I had ruined our friendship with the article I wrote on Kate Hammond because in one of the nightmares that I had you weren't there." Cindy looked away "I mean, I died and you didn't care"

"Oh" was all Jill could manage.

"I know it was stupid, but that was my brain on drugs" Cindy looked up at her trying to fake a smile.

Jill smiled back "I swear sometimes you make the lamest jokes." Jill gave her another hug, "if we had just talked about this two weeks ago your stint in rehab could have been avoided."

"Lame" Cindy replied as she hugged back.

As Jill stood up she asked "so I guess now it's Lindsay's turn?"

"I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. I can't decide if I should talk to her in a crowded spot with lots of witnesses or not. I mean, she does deserve the right to yell at me in private, but there is the whole she has a gun thing." Cindy slapped herself in the mouth "sorry, it slipped."

"Like I said lame, and highly inappropriate."

Two down one (the hardest one) to go.


	5. Chapter 5

Cindy sat on Lindsay's porch, still piecing together what exactly she was going to say.

"So I guess you decided on private" Lindsay said as she walked up the front walk. "I just had dinner with Claire and Jill, we thought maybe you would show." Lindsay said as she sat down.

"I thought about it, but I figured they each got a one on one." Cindy looked over and smiled at her.

"They filled me in a little so you don't have to go through the whole thing again. I just want to know that you are okay."

"I really am, I just hope that we are. I know what I did was stupid and I should have trusted you guys enough to talk to you about it but with everything else that was going on at the time I didn't want to add to the stress level. I do need to know that the next time you are looking at me from the other side of the bars, because let's face it there will be another time," she looked at Lindsay "that you are going to trust me. But I know that this was big, it was kinda an actual crime not just a made up obstruction one, so I will understand if you want to put some distance between us. I can do my job from the other side of the yellow tape."

"You may want to take a breath and for the record I do trust you" Lindsay assured her "but let's try not to get arrested for few months, okay." She said smiling.

"I'll try."

They sat there quietly for a few minutes when Lindsay finally asked, "am I in any nightmares?"

"What?" Cindy was taken aback by this question. "No." she said as she looked away.

Lindsay reached over and took her hand. Cindy looked back at her "I don't know if I can."

"More trust, remember."

Cindy took a deep breath and looked away, "you shot me." she said in barely a whisper. When she didn't hear the _oh_ she looked back and saw the tears escaping down Lindsay's face. She went to stand up, "I shouldn't have said anything, I'm sorry."

Lindsay stopped her, "it's okay. I had a feeling that might be it. I had the same dream." Now it was Cindy's turn to be confused. Lindsay looked at her, "we all did. Claire doing the autopsy, Jill never having the chance to apologize, me being responsible for the shooting. Of course in my dream I didn't actually do it, it happened while I was trying to get the gun from Charlie, but same difference."

Cindy let out a little chuckle "Jill was right, I could have avoided rehab."

Lindsay nodded and put her arm around her. "Yep."

"You do know that we have to stop making jokes about me having a gun, right?"

"Yep."

* * *

My thanks to James Patterson for creating such great characters, and letting me borrow them.


End file.
